Posted by petercarney1978 on 19. March 2010
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Birthday Girl (2001)
IMDB rating: 6.00
Plot: Internet love connections and mail-order brides rarely ever work out, and John (played by Ben Chaplin) should have known. Having never been lucky in the game of love and tired of waiting for the perfect woman to come along, John decides to take his chances and orders a mail-order bride from Russia online. At first, things seem perfect: his new bride Nadia (Nicole Kidman) is a gorgeous woman, and although she may not speak much English, her skills in the bedroom more than make up for any communication problems. When Nadia’s ‘cousins’ unexpectedly arrive to celebrate her birthday, John is drawn into their web of corruption and crime.
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Directors: Butterworth Jez
Actors: Chaplin Ben,Cassel Vincent,Kassovitz Mathieu,Mangan Stephen,Armstrong Alexander,Miller Ben,Aris Jonathan,Gatiss Mark,Ghatak Raj,Comedy,Drama,Romance,Crime,
How can I compromise a social life with my husband?
I am 22 years old. I got married to my husband at age 20 and had a baby at 21. I spent all of the 21st birthday and the rest of that year taking care of my daughter and doing nothing else. Now I want to get back to having a bit of a social life. I’ve told him I wish to go out once of twice a month with my friends to a local bar. He says no, he says I make him look bad because I can’t be a normal woman and just settle down. He says I want to be a party girl. But I really don’t, I just want time to socialize with my female friends and just relax just a couple times a month. I really don’t see how this is to much to ask for. On top of it all, he is only 20 but I feel he’s acting like he’s 40. We argue all of the time about this, and divorce comes up everytime. I don’t want to get a divorce and have my child lose her father over something so simple, but he won’t compromise.. Is there any way around this? I don’t know what to do..
Can you compromise with the activity – would he be okay with you going over to a friends house for drinks, or having your friends over for some girl time once or twice a month?
munkeroos | Feb 04, 2010
Oh you both married so young! This is not an issue at all, really, you just want to hang out with your girlfriends in a fun social setting. You’re a woman in a free country, you’re not going to cheat on your husband because you’re having a couple of beers in a bar with your girls and talking about your job and your family. As long as someone sober is keeping an eye on your kid, and you’re respecting each others friendships and not trapping each other to unrealistic expectations, it’s fine.
If you want your marriage to last, you should meet a counselor. You both have images in your heads about what’s normal and what’s not in a marriage, and they are unrealistic.
ryssee | Feb 04, 2010
Just go! Tell him you need to get out of the house every now and then
Holly | Feb 04, 2010
so, people who are 40 don’t go out once in a while with friends? you speak of compromise, and yet you stereotype people in any way fashion or manner. all action has consequences. clearly you don’t have the maturity to deal with marriage and a child. if you can’t deal with that, you have to let go of one or the other. he’s too immature to deal with your issues. and you are too immature to deal with his. and both of you are narcissistic people who are neglecting the one person they should try to spend the most time with. you live with the actions you take. dont’ let your daughter suffer because of it.
Emotionally Yours | Feb 04, 2010
Tell him yes, I am 21 and want to party.
Our child is our joint responsibility not just my responsibility.
If we divorce you will owe me child support and will have our son every other weekend.
What I am asking for is not unreasonable.
The ‘golden rule’ is one night out alone one night out together but many couples settle on every other week.
He should stay in touch with his friends as well.
I do not want to be a home-body for the rest of my life. If you do, that’s OK you can spend your "evening off" any way you want but let me spend my evening off anyway I want.
I love you, you’re my husband, and I’m not going to do anything disrespectful to our marriage.
I trust you as well if you want to go out with your friends.
If you have concerns about what we do, we should sit down and talk about what we are comfortable with. [For a point of reference, some couples have a strict no-friends-of-the-opposite-sex rule and would not go out to bars, most are good with a boys/girls night-out and playful flirting, others swing - huge spectrum.]
Stay focused on what you want to be happy – not anything about him or what he does or any assumptions about why he wants what he does.
Ask him why, ask him what he is concerned about.
Mr. Fix It | Feb 04, 2010
The bigger issue seems to be trust. It takes two people to hold a marriage together and only one to tear it apart. You are both entitled to breaks away from the norm to socialize with friends. So long as you can put trust in your relationship and not jeopardize the vows you took when you married.
Good luck.
Sonny | Feb 04, 2010
You know the answer. He isnt the one for you. Not many people stay together that get together at that age. By the way he wouldnt go anyway cause he would mess up your good time. Dude is playing house with you. Your life isnt starting good till you hit 25. Take care of the little one and next time he say leave, have a plan and run like hell. He will be there for the lil one but if you go back to him then good luck. Not a good move
splash27401 | Feb 04, 2010
Big news–your a mother and wife now. Want to remove those items from your resume, get a divorce. Give custody to father,mother item gone/ wife item removed now party girl.
Its not so simple; if it was you would not be writing here.
Or as that saying goes/ you made your bed for at least the next 18 years so lay down in it and be quiet.
Develop a social life with your husband and other similar couples
tjdepere2003 | Feb 04, 2010
maybe you can socialise with your friends AND him? maybe he feels insecure about you being in a bar with a group of girls, but he would feel more comfortable if you were in mixed company of friends you both knew.
if you want more of a social life, perhaps it is time to arrange some bbq’s or picnics, dinner parties etc with other couples. afterall, you chose to get married and have a child, so trying to live a single life now is probably not a healthy option given you were married so young and are arguing with your husband.
NickyJ | Feb 04, 2010
If you like to drink and he doesn’t there is no way he is going to let you go out because he doesn’t understand it. If he drinks take him with you and he’ll get bored with all the girl talk and go shoot pool with some guys if there is a pool table.
My question is which one of you brings up the D word when you fight?
That word is only used as a last resort! After you have tried all other possibilities of resolving the issue. Bottom line there has to be some flexibility in any negotiation.
Maybe, you could do him before you go out so, he knows you won’t cheat on him.
Hey, It’s just a plan. I didn’t say it was a good one.
Christopher | Feb 04, 2010
Since divorce keeps coming up in arguments, it probably is not a good time to start going out partying. He probably feels insecure, you may feel resentful, mix some alcohol in and people do stupid things. Invite your friends over to socialize. Or go shopping together during the day. Go get your nails done together. Start exercising together. Or something that is less threatening to your man.
just asking | Feb 04, 2010
